Tricksy patented method of turning minced fish into a layered pseudo‐FISH product:
The cooked layer causes the fish to flake along the middle in the same manner as a cooked fish, fooling the minced‐fish eater that he is eating a real (albeit spineless) fish.
Patented MULTI‐COLOURED PASTA:
"A flat sheet of pasta having outer surfaces of two colours that extend through the sheet to the opposite surface."
Apparently, before this patent, one merely mixed noodles of different colour. Fabrizio was the first person to invent a multi‐coloured noodle! After filing this patent, I bet he got a visit from Tony Four Fingers.
Pacific Lumber Co. actually got a US patent for:
"Smoking meat with redwood smoke"
I can only presume the patent examiner thought animals never got trapped in a redwood forest fire.
A patented take on a CALZONE PIZZA:
This must be the PIZZA PIE Dean Martin was envisioning in That's Amore.
An invention even better than Sliced Bread ‐ a SANDWICH LOAF!! This one's my all‐time favourite:
"A baked loaf with:
Cutting a loaf into sandwiches! Why didn't this make $$$$?
Another patented method of making a deep‐fried SANDWICH, but this time Skewered:
Optionally: remove the skewer after frying and pour a sauce (e.g. ketchup) into the bore.
This would certainly get you shot at dusk and dawn in Italy ‐ a patented method of making a FRIED PIZZA:
The aim is for the sauce to flow into the perforations and impregnate the base. Other toppings and cheese can then be added to the upper layer.
This one surprised even me ‐ patented KOSHER PET FOOD!
"A pet food composition comprising:
15‐60% (by weight) kosher meat washed in cold water and salted,
>2.44% omega‐6 fatty acids
>0.49% omega‐3 fatty acids."
I presume the patent examiner fell off his chair after reading the inventor's claim:
"This invention relates to pet food, specifically domesticated cats and dogs for which a kosher diet is recommended for health and/or spiritual reasons."
Spiritual reasons! This guy should cut down on whatever he's taking.
La Rosa patented a corrugated LASAGNA PASTA SHEET:
"Elongated pasta sheet with longitudinally extending ribs on at least one of its faces".
It may not look like much, but the corrugations made the pasta sheets less prone to breaking. Corrugated lasagna proved very popular … and profitable.
Finally, a patented HOT DOG ROLL having:
"a longitudinal trough‐like cavity that extends along its length and is adapted to receive a sausage. The roll and cavity being formed independently of the sausage, and being sufficiently flexible to permit spreading of the roll to receive the sausage."
Success favours the diligent, and this inventor had clearly done his homework:
"I am aware of the fact that rolls have been made with sausages or frankfurters cooked therein, and I am also, of course, aware of the fact that rolls have been opened or cut to receive sausages in the formation of sandwiches, but it is the purpose of my invention to provide a roll which does not require any cutting or shaping and which of itself is so shaped as to receive a sausage and to properly hold the sausage with dressing or flavoring, so that the sandwich can be conveniently handled without soiling the hands or the clothing and will be neat and attractive in appearance and a great labor saving device."
Another patented HOT DOG ROLL, but this time with a hole in the middle!
"A hollow, elongated, cylindrical, self‐supporting roll open at one end, the wall of the roll being slotted."
The aim was to provide a closed end to contain melted butter or mustard and prevent dripping when eaten.
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